I met Ben 12 years ago— at a time in my life when I was at a crux in the road…and I think Ben can say the same for himself. I was floundering around, like a fish out of water, not knowing for certain what I wanted to do with my life….maybe teach, maybe learn about alternative medicine, maybe just wait tables until I decided. I was at work one day when this guy I’d become good friends with, Roy, asked me if I wanted to ride with him to Tennessee to pick up his best friend who was on his way home from Texas…I, being the free-spirited and not-committed-to-much kind of girl I was, said “Sure”…and I will never forget the next sentence he uttered—“His name is Ben…but you probably won’t like him very much because he is a real smart-ass”. –“Okay”, I thought, “I’m up for the challenge”.
Never in a million years did I imagine the story would end up the way it has unfolded. I did meet Ben. He was in fact a smart-ass. And still can be at times—even more so with certain people than others. But he has tamed it down a considerable amount over the years. And even taking into account all of his sharp-tongued moments he has brought more joy, security and love to my life than I ever dreamed of. We are total opposites in a lot of ways, in fact most ways. Many people were surprised we were dating—we were so different—but I believe those differences have truly kept us interested in each other.
We married after dating for five years. It was a union we didn’t go into lightly, half-heartedly or without strong conviction –that this was the most permanent decision we would ever make. We spent plenty of time making sure we were right for each other. We worked together successfully for six years in two different jobs, which is a challenge for most couples— especially in the restaurant business where it’s easy to get caught up in the rumor mill. We also extensively traveled around the North and Southeast experiencing life in pretty raw moments as we slept in cars, trucks, tents and on occasion the luxury of a hotel, attending more concerts than Cajes will be able to believe when he is older. I sold hippy skirts and we ate lots of grilled cheese sandwiches as we created some of the most vivid and colorful memories of our past. Our first week together we rode 13 hours, one-way, in the back of Rhonda’s Ford truck to see Phish at the New Orleans Jazzfest and it was during that trip that we confessed we were in it for the long haul after months of solid friendship. Within a month I told my mom I knew Ben would be the guy I married.
After several years of free-spirited haphazardness, we both finally decided it was time to move forward with our passions in life—mine being mental healthcare and art, Ben’s being democracy and justice. We mapped out our plan of how to make our dreams come true, working multiple jobs to make a living while making our life. We finished our undergraduate degrees with the plan of Ben starting
Cajes was born September 8th of 2004 during Hurricane
Tomorrow is Father’s Day and Monday June 16th is our 7 year anniversary and I still can’t believe this is my life sometimes. No, it isn’t always easy—we have our share of arguments and disagreements…but it’s always relatively predictable and always better than I deserve. I consider Ben the best friend I have ever had (not discounting any of my girlfriends, really). In my deepest, darkest hour he has picked me up and reminded me that we have what it takes to have a great life. We have what some people long for and I never take that for granted. When I look back at where we came from to where we are now I am literally moved to tears.
I can say that, yes, I know what love is now for sure…beyond our love, I see it every day when I watch Ben interact with Cajes, teaching him new things and watching Cajes teach Ben what it is to be young again. I see it as he goes into his room each night before we go to sleep to tuck him in one last time. And as he carves out enough time to play outside for a little while each day with Cajes, even with the rigorous schedule he has this summer and the hundred degree heat. I saw it as he moved closer to Cajes at the dentist office today and reached out to hold his little hand during what some might consider a scary moment. Watching the man you love, love the child you created together is somewhat magical.
I packed our first box to move home to
As I close this blog I am reminded of a poem read at our wedding that I have always found comfort in. These words seem to encapsulate the simple emotions I have stirring within me during this transitional time in our life.
Below is a note Cajes wrote his daddy for Father's Day---
Underlined are the words I prompted him with and to the side are his own words dictated to me....
Note to Readers:
Candy Bars = Granola Bars (he doesn't know the difference yet).
I am the one who writes with chalk on the sidewalk with Cajes.
Cajes did hit Ben in the head yesterday with a plastic recorder that he called his horn--it wasn't pretty--it's in the trash now.