It's the Little Things

ring on foot ~ love

2010-11-09T00:11:00.001-05:00

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There are some things you can't buy in a box at Wal-Mart

2010-02-07T01:39:00.024-05:00

~ Winter Fun ~

As I was tucking Cajes in bed earlier, I kissed him goodnight and as I was shutting the door he said “Mama, I really want a brother or sister who can sleep in my room with me.” I said “I know you do baby… I know.” This is not the first time we have encountered this conversation and I’m sure it won’t be the last. This is typical, day-to-day wishful thinking in our house as well as my constant prayer. I want another child. I do. I always thought I’d be the kind of mama who had a handful of children, you know the older kids holding the little ones hands as we cross streets, at least enough children for a small band. But getting started late in the game has made me realize that I would be perfectly content with two.

My first love!

We go to great lengths seeking a return to the days of cooing, diapers, crying, and midnight feedings….I know this all sounds questionable and a bit absurd when we have a perfect pattern down pat with Cajes who can get up and get his own breakfast and let the dog out. But the desire for another sweet little baby can’t be quenched. And if you think we want a baby….you haven’t seen the passionate plea from a five year old for a baby. Only he doesn’t really understand the science that goes along with conception. Cajes thinks we can just order a baby… “Just tell God we want one and he’ll give it to us”…or... just head down to Wal-Mart and pick one up in the baby department. It’s been difficult to teach such an innocent little soul that the sting of reality sometimes burns.

It doesn’t make things easier that his best friends at school have siblings. This reminds him everyday that he doesn’t. So each afternoon as I pick him up we go through the conversation all over again about his desperation of not having someone to play with, someone he could teach to read and write, someone he could share his room and toys with (though I bet that would change), someone he can tell his secrets to, play in the snow with, swing on his swing set with ~ and someone he can share his love with. Last Monday he cried his eyes out because saying he “just wishes he had someone to play with.” And don’t get me wrong…. Ben and I do play with him, and have played more in the past year than possibly in our own childhood—we’ve been cast into the Scooby Doo characters at least once daily since last October… but that isn’t the same for Cajes as having a sibling, I know.

I know because I was Cajes. I was the only child. I was terribly lonely and wanted someone that could play Barbies with me or challenge my mud pie making skills. I was that little girl that talked loudly to be sure I was heard, who played alone when I got home from school and imagined how other little kids lived. I found happiness in the friendship of people in their 70’s and animals who must have understood me because they let me dress them in baby clothes and push them in my stroller and drank my muddy water that I called coffee. Let it be known: I had/have cousins who I dearly loved to play with and to this day love like sisters, but I wanted someone to share stories with in the still of the night, any night, every night.

Because I want to fulfill my child’s every dream—I catch myself trying to supplement the love of a sibling that Cajes seeks by buying him “things”—toys, movies, blankets—things he loves (and I know this isn’t a fix— so please don’t tell me, I know). For brief moments I catch a glimpse of satisfaction in his eyes. For brief moments those things are a band-aid for something I really can’t buy in a box at Wal-Mart. For a moment I am able capture what his heart desires. But it’s always short-lived and only for brief moments. And by morning the new has worn off and he longs for a brother or sister again, to share those “things” with.

But conception when you are 38 isn’t always easy. For some lucky couples, conceiving a child is an easy feat requiring only a few cheap beers and a night of boring re-runs. But for others (like us), getting the sperm and egg together for a meet-and-greet will take months, if not years, of frustration, ovulation predictor kits, basal thermometers, calendars, consultations with doctors, and thousands of dollars in testing, hormone shots and medical intervention. We have now put our brakes on after the last round of testing, the most recent being a procedure where they injected dye into my fallopian tubes to make sure my pipes were clean. It hurt. Really. Since there were no blockages impeding the egg/sperm rendezvous, we are hoping that maybe now, since my tubes have been flushed out well that we will have better luck. We have "undiagnosed infertility." Our next option is Clomid, and I’m not prepared to consider it yet.

See, in your 20’s conception is usually a no-brainer (along with other abilities like looking good in a tube top and talking your way out of a speeding ticket). Your eggs are at their farm fresh best so they’re ripe for fertilization. Because they’re healthy, there’s less chance of chromosomal abnormalities, and there’s also far less chance of suffering a miscarriage. Though it may have been easier to conceive in my 20s, it would have been harder to parent. We were less financially stable and more emotionally immature. Plus, we were still defining who we were as individuals. But now we are not just in our 30’s…we are in our late 30’s. And after reaching the age of 35, I’ve be given the dreaded label of “AMA: Advanced Maternal Age." Conception is more of a challenge since my eggs (thankfully, still floating around in there) have started to show their age and because there is no Botox to perk these eggs up.

Now that I’ve blurted out our daily pregnancy and conception lesson I will conclude with a few final thoughts. Cajes is meant to be a brother. When we went out to dinner for my birthday he just didn’t understand why weren’t having lots of friends over for cake and presents. Even after explaining that when you get older it’s not always as important. Well it was important to Cajes. When I arrived from the store (birthday night) he had all of his “babies” (i.e., stuffed animals) in a circle wrapping around the entire living room. And in his twangiest, country voice, my son—who hates singing or hearing people sing—belted out Happy Birthday with his hand up the bottom of a puppet raccoon! And then we had cupcakes and presents with just the 3 of us (oh! and the 40 babies). That’s love folks. That’s the kind of love a kid needs to share.

Finally, when I mentioned earlier that we (the whole family) have been cast into Scooby Doo characters I am being for real. This is the line-up-- Ben is Fred, I am Daphne, Cajes is Shaggy, Dempsey is Scooby and as Cajes reminds us every time “Velma hasn’t been born yet.” So as I go to sleep tonight I will pray that God will please, please, please deliver us a Velma…. A little bit of each of us is desperate for a Velma.

Under Pressure

2009-09-28T00:37:00.005-04:00

In all of my music listening years....few songs have gripped my heart quite as tightly as this one. I remember seeing it on Carson Daily and having Ben play it over and over and over. There are days when I feel like I can't take anything else or handle anymore but then-- I play this and all is well again:

Mm ba ba de
Um bum ba de
Um bu bu bum da de
Pressure pushing down on me
Pressing down on you no man ask for
Under pressure - that burns a building down
Splits a family in two
Puts people on streets
Um ba ba be
Um ba ba be
De day da
Ee day da - that's o.k.
It's the terror of knowing
What the world is about
Watching some good friends
Screaming 'Let me out'
Pray tomorrow - gets me higher
Pressure on people - people on streets
Day day de mm hm
Da da da ba ba
O.k.
Chippin' around - kick my brains around the floor
These are the days it never rains but it pours
Ee do ba be
Ee da ba ba ba
Um bo bo
Be lap
People on streets - ee da de da de
People on streets - ee da de da de da de da
It's the terror of knowing
What this world is about
Watching some good friends
Screaming 'Let me out'
Pray tomorrow - gets me higher high high
Pressure on people - people on streets
Turned away from it all like a blind man
Sat on a fence but it don't work
Keep coming up with love
but it's so slashed and torn
Why - why - why ?
Love love love love love
Insanity laughs under pressure we're cracking
Can't we give ourselves one more chance
Why can't we give love that one more chance
Why can't we give love ~ give love ~ give love ~ give love
give love ~ give love ~ give love ~ give love ~ give love
Cause love's such an old fashioned word
And love dares you to care for
The people on the edge of the night
And loves dares you to change our way of
Caring about ourselves
This is our last dance
This is our last dance
This is ourselves
Under pressure
Under pressure
Pressure

"Every pictures tells a story, don't it?"

2009-07-17T00:36:00.022-04:00

Dear Friends and Family~
We are ultimate slackers!! I've been super-lazy with our blogging and I haven't been very consistent about keeping up with what's going on with our lives. I am sorry. We have had a wonderful summer....busy and exciting...so much so that I have a hard time putting it all in to words. I guess I've written 10 blogs in my mind since April but it's all old news by now. So I thought I'd do a Picture Blog of our summer. I mean, a picture is worth a thousand words, right? So here ya go....

We ended spring and started summer with Cajes playing t-ball and graduating from his preschool program at His Kids. T-ball was really cute but a little boring for Cajes. It's hard for him to concentrate in the outfield for that long--but he did his best and picked lots of grass and clover. He enjoyed playing in the dirt more than playing baseball. Preschool graduation was an event only to be summed up by watching the video. In hindsight it's funny--but at the time it was confusing and a little uncomfortable to watch.

We planted a garden in May which takes a lot of work!! We've played with lots of bugs and spent many a night this summer catching lightening bugs but they sure are hard to get a picture of...
We've watched things bloom and fade away....

And some things just keep standing....weathering every storm.
We've been to a wedding and some funerals
bringing a close reminder of the sanctity and brevity of life and love.

I was very, very, very lucky to land a ticket just a few hours before the Phish show here in Asheville. This was completely unexpected and AWESOME!! I had been wishing, hoping and praying that someone would have an extra but they were scarce. People waiting outside were willing to trade 5 Knoxville tickets and cash for an Asheville ticket....really! It was an exhilarating way to start a week long vacation!!

The day after Phish we began our journey to Miami to visit Ted, Jack, Sally & Connor. We spent over a week there and had so much fun!! This trip was long overdue--as we don't get to spend as much time with them as we'd like --so we cherish these moments. It's hard living so far apart from people you love and want to share every day moments with. It was a wonderful trip (despite sun poisoning the 13+ hour car ride with a four year old).... and we all had a hard time readjusting to life in the real world when we got home.

Uncle Ted took us to the Everglades to an Alligator Farm where we got to pet an alligator...and actually had a close encounter with a wild alligator that wasn't part of the show. He came out of the woods and tried to slide in behind the bushes where we were standing in this picture. Not cool at all.

I love this picture of Connor!!
Uncle Ted cools off Cajes' feet from the smoking hot sand.

Love.
Cajes making biscuits with grandmama on our trip back through to Asheville--

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We went to the one-and-only Annual Allison Family Reunion at the end of June where we almost started some real fireworks....Cajes had a minor altercation with another little boy causing the little boy to fall down a very steep hill. This led to his grandma finding me and saying "Is that your little boy running around in the plaid shorts??" and I said "Yes ma'am..." She leans in with her thick smelling layer of Avon mixed with blue hair dye and said "Well....I'm not 'tattling' on him--BUT.....he pushed my grandson down that bank out there on purpose." Needless to say we apologized but her grandson was only two and didn't need to be climbing on that steep bank anyway. My Aunt Carol told Cajes not to worry about it and any time someone gets in his way "just to move 'em over."

Things quietened down when the Bingo cards came out....people were excited about the $10 Hardee's cards and forgot all about Cajes acting like a normal four-year old.Cajes did go in the church and ask God to forgive him for "accidentally" pushing the child down the hill. No, I didn't force him to do this. He offered, hoping it would make it all go away so he could get back to playing on the bank. I had to take a picture of it of course.

After the reunion we went down on Carol and Sam's land.....Cajes played in the mud and pond as Carol and I took a ride through Bear Holler to look for signs of recent bears. They have had a mama and her two cubs eating there just that week--and for those of you who know me well--you know that would just make my day to see a bear.
One thing I love about summer the most is all of the tailgate markets and fresh flowers, fruits and veggies available. If we don't have it in our own garden--we can find it there. I think the colors of fresh vegetables are just soooo pretty!!Oh I love these feet!!
We have witnessed the birth of lots of new life~
from Robins and Wrens,
Tadpoles turning in to Frogs,
and Caterpillars turning to Butterflies....

Our resident Noise-Maker!!

We went to a cookout at Heather and Keith's house for the 4th of July....it was laid back, fun and entertaining. The kids played in the kiddie pool and made a mess with bubbles while we feasted!! Great fun for the kids and a little fellowshipping for the parents.
Oh My God!! How CUTE is this???

"Whee!!!"

We've spent some time exploring this summer. And last week we went to Neil's Creek off the South Toe River making our way up to Mount Mitchell. The last time we took Cajes he was an infant and it was freezing. Even though he reminded us the whole way there that he remembered it we know that was unlikely, unless he has supernatural forces. He loved it this time and was able to understand the point of it....(no pun intended).
Cajes was invited to Vacation Bible School and he LOVED it of course!!
He went every day and thought it was awesome!! He sang and danced in front of people with no reservations or insecurities.

Cajes and Elijah
Friends Forever

SUMMER ISN'T OVER--
STAY TUNED!

Oh the times they are a'changing!!

2009-04-23T08:13:00.042-04:00

"Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
And don't criticize
What you can't understand
Your sons and your daughters
Are beyond your command
Your old road is
Rapidly agin'.
Please get out of the new one
If you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin'."

--Dylan

Cajes first sees the ocean...such a great memory!

First Christmas

First Dandelion

Well folks, we officially closed the big heavy door on toddlerhood today.
In my heart I’ve known this was the case for a while but I have tried to hang on to any shred of little baby faced-ness that I could. I’ve tried to listen carefully to Cajes’ words and keep them written in a journal so that we may look back and say “Remember when”?
We really do want more children…at least one…but what if that doesn’t ever occur?

I catch myself wondering without forethought if this is the last “first time” my child sees the ocean, or the last “first” t-ball practice, the last “first time” I go to the dentist with a child of my own, or maybe the last “first” time I have a child who learns to grow a garden from his own little seeds in a cup? Yeah, we may do all of those things again and again—but there is only one true first time.

And Monday was the first time we made the transition from a toddler bed to a big boy bed. I know, I know—it was way overdue. Cajes’ little feet having been hanging out of his toddler bed for some time now but he insisted that he keep that bed “until I’m a big tall boy” he would say. I would remind him he is a big boy now and he’d clutch his blankets tightly and declare “I am not getting out of this bed!!” Mind you, this is the same mattress he slept on when we brought him home from the hospital.

It’s been a good friend to Cajes who loves his bed and blankies more than anything—(and this teaches me what parts of his mama he carries in his heart). So, in an effort to eliminate tears— with no discussion of my plans, while Cajes was at t-ball practice I took down the toddler bed and set up a new twin bed in its place, a preemptive strike of sorts. It’s so much roomier and fits him— much better than the bear in the birds nest. And he of course loved it(!) as soon as we got the new safari animal sheets on of course.

We actually did an overhaul on his room putting up new cubicle bookcases that can house bins that will (hopefully) help to keep some of his toys and books more organized… much more for my sanity than his. I was as proud when I finished that room as if I had completed a master suite with Hildi on Trading Spaces. And you’d never believe the things I found under his old toy box that got moved for the cubicle thingy—one real dollar bill and one play dollar bill, one wheat thin, a plastic sword, enough goldfish and cheerios to make a meal, and several pieces of jewelry he had robbed me of, all scattered amongst a mound of Legos and Lincoln Logs and Thomas the Train signs. We could have started a small toy store with all the misplaced items we found.

Nevertheless, the point I want to convey in this post (I get sidetracked sometimes) is how much change we are witnessing these days from Cajes. I looked one day and he was a baby in my arms….sleeping by my desk at work…crawling on the floor with his daddy at home…learning new words, heck, learning words at all—and then I looked back and he was a boy.
A real boy. He not only grew literally 2 inches in a few months….but he also became aware of his autonomy in the same amount of time. Cajes has learned that he is independent of me and his dad. He is CAJES(!) and he will say and do whatever he wants.

Now mind you, there may be repercussions for some of the things he says and does because he will test the water and see where the line is drawn. Call us cruel if you want-- but don't call DSS when I tell you--- sometimes when “time out” didn’t work as a consequence (I don’t like the word punishment so much) there have been times that we have resorted to some old-timey mouth washing. Trust me when I tell you--it sounds terrible--but it curbs potty mouth for a good length of time….if not indefinitely. He now patrols his daddy’s mouth and fussed at him for saying “idiot” in the car last week. Cajes told his dad “I don’t like you using that word around my angel songs!! They’re good songs and that’s a bad word! Jesus doesn’t like that word!! That is totally NOT cool!!” I can’t recall the last bad word I’ve heard him try to test out lately. Except the predictable “poop talk” which is an every day occurrence now.

Which leads me to another thought…I have learned to pick and choose my battles and I have let go of “poop talk”. Not only does Cajes like to throw the word into daily conversations, like “Mom, can you make me a poop sandwich for lunch?”—but he also gets fiercely alarmed (in an unhealthy kind of way) when people touch his blankets or items for fear of poop. When we gave Dempsey a bath he was concerned that Dempsey might get poop in his bathtub. And just tonight when I sat on his new bed to read books before it was time to go to sleep he couldn’t concentrate on the story because he was worried I might be getting poop on his blankets.
I said “Cajes I let you jump on my bed with dirty feet and I can assure you that my level of grossed-out-ness over dirty feet is worse than yours of poop. I am your mama—WHY would I have poop on ME that would get on YOUR bed??” There was no answer. Only silence and stares. Just part of independent Cajes coming out. I left the room with him mumbling about “poop better not be in my bed”. I must be a super-inspiring mom to have poop talk to the last moments of the day.

Finally, this past weekend we had some of Ben’s cousins in from High Point and I saw Cajes go from four to fourteen before my eyes. In the car ride to eat dinner we were riding with Ben’s cousin Addie who is ten. Cajes was so enamored with her the whole time that he lost sight of himself. For instance, Ben said to me, “look honey, there’s a volleyball court over there” and Cajes replied “Why yes, there IS a volleyball court over there.” Then he’d giggle this sheepish little laugh and say “Daddy YOU are so silly!” The wheels in his four year old mind started working overtime and he began telling outlandish stories of tigers he rode on in our back yard, Obama and the White House exploding, and then began singing songs we’d never heard before. I think he’s going to be a big-time flirt (or politician). He already has a thing for Debbie—my good friend and co-worker. When we went to Open Hearts to pick our laptop up last week Debbie came out to the car and she got in for a minute to talk to Cajes. Well, after we left….about a ½ mile down the road, driving in silence, I hear Cajes take a big sniff of air….and let out an “Mmmmm….” and then announced “Debbie smells gooooood— doesn’t she?”…then later in the evening as I was on the phone with her he says “who are you talking to?”… I reply “Debbie”… and he replies “that Debbie is so precious!” I foresee a future Don Juan and it frightens me a little.

And just as much as he likes some people he has a wicked distaste for other people. Especially if it is a senior citizen touching his food, toys, etc. He says they have a “stink” that he doesn’t want to get on his stuff—much like the poop fear. However he excludes Mamaw “because she loves him”.

All in all….we are watching our little boy grow in to a little man and a piece of my heart breaks each time I see him do something new, in a loving and “not yet” kind of way. I want him to grow up to be independent, creative, smart, successful—and most of all HAPPY—but for now can’t he just stay little one more day? This will always be the last “first time” we have this day.

Cajes learns to say "juice"...

Easter Morning at Mom's---
He looks like a little man here.

50 Random Things About Me....

2009-03-15T01:35:00.012-04:00

1. I have a history of seeing hawks when significant things in my life are about to happen (or have happened).
2. I miss milk.
3. I am so blessed to have Ben for many reasons-- but most notably he won’t let me do the dishes. He’s obsessive about them...it’s his own little thing.
4. I think Hydrangeas are gorgeous and wish I had carried them in our wedding.
5. My weakness is that I need validation from people.
6. I am a fanatic about NOT eating food that is past its expiration date.
7. I am a people watcher and can get obsessed when I’m out in public wondering about other people’s lives
8. I think I sometimes have unrealistic expectations of life.
9. I absolutely LOVE the hilarious stories that Cajes has started making up since he turned four. It’s hard not to laugh at his little white lies even…...And at the end of the day when I put Cajes to bed—I really enjoy hearing his favorite part of the day and his worst part of the day, which sometimes are the same thing (?).
10. I am petrified by vomit and/or ants…so much so that I have to take anxiety medicine!
11. I never expected to feel torn between my work at Open Hearts and my job as a mom and it makes me feel terrible when the guilt sets in.
12. I have a specific way I fold towels and all my washcloths have to be in the same direction---thanks mom! :)
13. I like to have back-up plans but want more spontaneity in my life—go figure.
14. I once had a job title of "Integrated Sales and Logistic Retail Specialist"---basically I stocked Lifesavers and Bubble Yum in grocery/convenience stores for Nabisco...I even had business cards with that title.
15. I love so many reality shows that I can’t even admit how many….but it’s a lot---too many.
16. I look really organized on the outside but if you look in my spice cabinet or kitchen utensil drawer you’d think differently.
17. I'm an Idealist married to a Realist.
18. Anxiety and fear can paralyze me in an instant….and then nausea sets in.
19. There are only a few people who have seen the real, raw, true Sonia….it’s a vulnerable feeling.
20. I totally LOVE taking pictures and archiving my family. Sometimes I think if I take a picture of something it will make it last…like Cajes’s little baby feet.
21. I feel uncomfortable in large groups of people I don't know.
22. I have never smoked a cigarette in my life.
23. I think kidney stones are more painful than childbirth and they can last for months.
24. I am dying to visit Africa.
25. I have friends who I love like family and consider them like sisters and brothers.
26. I have been to a lot of concerts (though not as many now that Cajes has been around), yet it has been enough to stun him when he is a teenager/adult and he can appreciate this part of my life.
27. I thought it would be difficult to have children but got pregnant on birth control, and now that we are trying to get pregnant we haven't had good luck.
28. I believe in destiny but think we play a part in controlling it.
29. I've only met my biological father once in my life and he was full of himself. I don't miss him because I can't miss something I've never had. However I regret his choice to not have a relationship with me. It was his loss.
30. I love the house we live in and wished deeply that we owned it. I need this much space.
31. I know what it's like to have your heart broken over and over. It makes you a different person.
32. My husband would have never dated if we had met in high school. We were totally different people.
33. My mom is the most resilient person I know and I honor her for that.
34. I have a bad habit of cussing--- and I have had to learn to watch my mouth now that I have a child....but there's something that makes me feel better when I am mad and can cuss. My papaw cussed....maybe it's hereditary.
35. I regret never learning to play the guitar from my PawPaw Cages.
36. When I get really frustrated I cry.
37. One of my top 3 regrets is never seeing The Grateful Dead live.
38. I've moved 16 times in my life and have never liked it.
39. I think the world would be a better place if we could alway out ourselves in other people's shoes and all be kinder than necessary.
40. I think Health Insurance is a money racket but I would never be caught without it!
41. I am pretty sure I could eat sushi or Thai food every day for the rest of my life.
42. If I had the money I'd have a house at the beach and in the mountains....and that's my plan for my future....people are skeptical this will happen but people were also skeptical I'd find a job combining Art and Mental Healthcare.
43. I like to sleep late.
44. I love the smell of gas and rubber cement.
45. I'm addicted to Facebook.
46. I truly believe "it's the little things in life".
47. When I was little we had the same thing for dinner on the same nights of the week, every week.
48. I don't like to dress up.
49. I have an affinity for old chairs and yellow tom cats.
50. I think at some point in my life I will get the opportunity to hug a bear.

In a FUNK......

2009-03-14T01:25:00.008-04:00

So, here it is March and I realize I am a total slacker. I haven’t updated the blog in over 3 months and we have so much to share. We had a wonderful Christmas….visiting with lots of family and undoing thousands of wires that secure toys in the box like it was a 4 karat diamond and not just a Tonka truck. Cajes wrote his own letter to Santa Claus insisting HE write it himself and not me or his dad.

Then he added a P.S. letter, since 4 year olds write so large it takes up a whole page for a sentence, reminding Santa that he wanted the Kasey Kahne race car and gas can. It was pretty funny…and he was so excited Christmas morning when he realized Santa heard his wish and he did get it. All of this is preceded by a letter that he got from Santa Claus…(i.e. my mom)…after watching Polar Express. This is the first year Cajes truly understood what Christmas was about. Not just the presents but Jesus’ birthday. Now, he started his tradition of cake-making for Jesus last year but I don’t believe he had the full concept down until this year. Anyway…we had at least 4 manger scenes in the house including one just for Cajes’ room because if you know us you know Cajes is obsessed with all things Jesus. Anyway, we made Jesus a cake and Santa some cookies. And on Christmas morning Santa did remember the Kasey Kahne car and gas can….and we ate Jesus’ cake for breakfast remembering all of the blessings we shared this year.

In addition to our regular Christmas soirees, we also hosted our

1^st Annual Ugly Christmas Party which was HILARIOUS!!! We had so much fun laughing at each other and playing Guitar Hero, drinking martinis and “fellowshipping” that the night seemed to be over before it began almost.

2008 left and 2009 started a little rocky for us and many people we know….

Throughout December, January and February, we (meaning 95% Cajes) have been riddled with illnesses. When I speak in plural I mean back-to-back viruses, Strep Throat, Ear Infections, Sinus Infections, Walking Pneumonia and now allergies. We went through the arduous back skin prick test and found out Cajes was allergic to dust mites, dog, cats and grass….4 things we can’t and won’t eliminate from our lives unless it becomes seriously hazardous. <<>> So what can we really do??? Dempsey is 13 and Lucy is 16—we can’t abandon them. Luckily the animals don’t go in his room and we have a house that is not completely dust-mite friendly having hardwood floors and new carpet. Now we just have to be vigilant about washing Cajes’ sheets and blankets and stuffed toys he sleeps with in hot water at least once a week—which may be task. Oh, and the Doctor suggested allergy shots for 3 years—every week!!! That’s 156 shots….rather ridiculous for it to only reduce his chance of getting asthma by 60%. There has to be another answer….but what??? I’m already a germaphobe and go out of my way to keep things as sterile as possible. What do I do now? Anyone who can build me a bubble will be handsomely rewarded.

Cajes is having surgery on March 31 to have tubes put in his ears, as well as his tonsils and adenoids removed. Let’s pray this will be an answer and an end to his repeated illnesses this year.

The feeling of complete overwhelmedness takes over my mind some days and I have to be reigned back in like a wild stallion when I start obsessing over things out of my control. I quickly spiral form worry to full-blown obsession within minutes. This year I am especially fearful of germs, viruses and vomit and in an unhealthy way….I usually have to spell out the word vomit when talking about it because even the word sounds gross….v-o-m-i-t…..it just sounds so nasty. If I didn’t have to have Cajes in preschool I’d keep him home and only expose him to people who I knew didn’t have germs. And I know this would only hurt him in the end because the germ exposure builds his immune system. I know all of that!!! But I’m sick and tired of every one being sick and tired. And then when he is sick and I complain about it I feel guilty because there are so many children out there with terminal and serious illnesses, but I hurt to see my baby hurt on any level. And I feel like everyone has been affected by illness directly or indirectly all fall and winter.

Anyway….our business is undergoing some major changes at all levels— administrative to direct care….all paperwork having to be re-created and changed. Policies and Procedures re-written. Some weeks I don’t and can’t physically get all of my work completed and feel so full of guilt over this too because my job is much like another child that needs nurtured and coddled with care. Then when I don’t meet my deadlines I come home and bring the anxiety into my house where Cajes and Ben are left to contend with my complete abandonment of rationale. And I forget that I need to BE HERE NOW….and I am reminded that I am in a funk….but can’t figure out how to get out of the hole…it seems to be consuming me most days.

Then Cajes will come to me and say something totally hilarious and I am brought back to reality. A few weeks ago he came to me while I was cooking dinner and he was playing outside and asked for two Oreo’s. He said “just two mom—just two.” And I made him shake hands making a deal he would eat all of his dinner. He left and within a few minutes returned with chocolate bulging out the sides of his mouth. He was trying to ask for just one more cookie but his mouth was so full I couldn’t understand him. After clearing his mouth he said “Mom, can I have one more Oreo please (?), because one of mine just blew away.” I of course replied with “WHAT? I just gave you two….where did they go?” He said “I ate one but the other one blew away in the wind—just disappeared into the sky!”

2 days later he enters the den with a rubber glove on his hand and asked Ben to open his mouth so he could look inside. (I guess with all the strep he’s gotten used to this). Ben said “No—you’re not putting that glove in my mouth”—not knowing where it had been in his closet and then Cajes INSISTED that his daddy play along. So Ben opens his mouth and Cajes looks in and acts like he’s really interested in what’s going on in there. Finally he takes his hand out and proclaims “Yep, Daddy—just what I thought…you’ve got a little bit of diarrhea.”

And in those moments I remember how silly four-year olds can be and that I should relish these moments and cherish them instead of worrying over the endless list of crap that I obsess over. These are the years I will long for one day and in my rational mind I know that. I just need to stay in that rational mindset.

Cajes recites the 23rd Psalm

2008-12-10T23:36:00.003-05:00

For preschool Cajes was taught the 23rd Psalm and will be reciting this on January 20th in chapel. I didn't know he knew it and was caught off guard with the camera when he asked me to tape him. Well, after the first take I realized I had missed some of it and decided to do a re-take. This is what unfolded. A stamping his foot, angry version of one of the sweetest verses in the Bible.

Cajes sings the blessing

2008-12-10T21:35:00.002-05:00

Giving Thanks (better late than never)

2008-12-10T17:57:00.022-05:00

Note the date---expired in 1985!!
Sorry mama!

For most of you who TRULY know me-- you know that I love Thanksgiving! I love to cook, I love to eat, and most of all it's my mama's favorite of all holidays so it's special to me because it's special to her. I also like that there's no hustle and bustle that comes with the anticipation of Christmas....the frenzy of presents and having to see everyone in such a short period of time...some of them are the same people you see all year too....which is odd. Don't get me wrong I like Christmas with all of it's traditions well enough, but Thanksgiving has a laid back and relaxing feeling unlike other holidays. And this Thanksgiving was exceptionally enjoyable. We cooked and ate and relaxed, playing Scrabble (which I won at...) and then we roasted Marshmallows on the back porch with Cajes for the first time in his life...a sweet moment (no pun intended).

Collage of Love

~Please click on the picture to magnify the smaller images~

Below I've compiled a list of things I am thankful for
(in no particular order).
I suppose you could say
"These are a few of my favorite things".

1. Cajes laughing
2. Ben's faithful love
3. Wonderful family--immediate and extended
4. Great friends who are like family to us
5. My camera and having an archive of photographs all the way back to my childhood
6. Icing, but not cake
7. Birds in synchronized flight
8. Sushi
9. The smell of fresh cut grass, rain or Christmas trees
10. My job at Open Hearts (including our awesome staff and wonderful students)
11. Sand between my toes and hearing waves crash
12. Rock Stacks, Cairns, Inuksuk's
13. Live music and the memories we made at shows
14. Long baths in deep bathtubs
15. Eucalyptus & Lavender
16. Creating new things from old things--Altered artwork
17. My IPod and ITunes
18. Soft blankets and a bed to sleep in at night
19. The Screen Door and The L.O.F.T.
20. County and State Fairs
21. That Barak Obama was elected as the 44th President and we got to witness History in the making
22. Having a big front porch and a little pond
23. Rocking chairs....well, old chairs of any kind really
24. Finding a father when I was 35 years old
25. Pomegranate Martinis
26. Quiet time
27. Good books
28. Xanax (for anxiety--not for fun)
29. That people love me the way I am
30. Finding someone who can cut my hair the way I want it--not the way they want it
31. Having pets (Dempsey who is 11, and Lucy who is 15)
32. Memories of my childhood--making mud pies and wearing Hee-Haw overalls
33. Wild flowers in mason jars
34. Old friends....some I've had since elementary school
35. Folk art
36. Being at my mom's house
37. Love letters
38. Artwork Cajes has made
39. The smell of Cajes after a bath and how cute he looks in footie pajamas
40. Creme Brulee & Coca~Cola (not together--well, maybe)
41. Reliable transportation
42. Comfort and understanding when I'm down
43. The hope of our future
44. Good health ---relatively--- :)
{Some may disagree on this one -- but it could always be worse}
45. Rainbows and 4-leaf clovers
46. A little bit of TV...(esp. The Office, American Idol, Survivor, & Mystery Diagnosis)
47. That Ben is finished with school and we both have careers we care about
48. Cell phones--crazy but true...
49. A pool when it's hot outside
50. That my husband likes to keep the house as tidy as me (well, almost)
51. Keens
52. Spellcheck
53. Hydrangeas--more blue than pink
54. Facebook
55. Hardwood floors
56. Having a dishwasher
57. Miracles
58. Playgrounds--particularly swingsets
59. Living in Weaverville
60. Days I get to sleep late

Cajes makes Dempsey wear the Fire Chief hat...

YES WE DID!!

2008-11-07T21:04:00.008-05:00

I know the name of my blog is It's the Little Things--well THIS is no LITTLE THING! This is HUGE and I felt the need to post my thoughts about it...

Over the course of the past 2 years I have been hopeful yet nervous, and excited yet reluctant to get too attached to the idea that we may get to witness the most profound moment in political history in our era...and yet we have!! And I am overjoyed with pride to have had a hand in making this happen because my vote was among the 62 million people who decided it was time for a change in the dynamics of our United States. It was worth being raked through the coals by many people who did not see the vision Obama had to relish this day of anticipated victory! Today George Stephanopolous likened this momentous event to Lincoln being elected in 1860, Rooselvelt in 1932 and Reagan in 1980. This is a man who was able to pull even staunch Republicans over the line with his sincerely inclusive mind frame.

As reported by CBS News on November 5th:
"As far as epochal moments of a nation are concerned, the election of Barack Obama to be the forty-fourth President of the United States is virtually certain to rank near the very top. While the historical, sociological and political meaning of campaign 2008 will be written about and analyzed for a generation or more, the immediate impact of the election results is this: A sweeping mandate for Obama’s campaign mantra of change.

Indeed, Obama’s election arguably represents the most dramatic break from the status quo ever in presidential politics. The first black president, one with a less-than-familiar name, is in so many ways a complete repudiation of everything about the presidency of George W. Bush.

The once-improbable Democratic candidate has ridden the twin themes of “hope” and “change” into the White House, and that, combined with his juggernaut of a campaign operation fueled by unprecedented fundraising, has helped his party extend its advantages in Congress to the point where there is a real possibility of sweeping changes in the country’s direction. The sheer size of the victory would be mandate enough, but Obama’s is a promise of fundamental, radical change, not incremental adjustments, giving even more impetus to his agenda.

Throughout the course of the election, Obama became a symbol for the frustrations, anxiety and concerns of a country in the midst of economic crisis and war. He systematically sought to connect himself to transformational leaders and moments from the nation’s past - Abraham Lincoln, John F. Kennedy and the Civil Rights movement were among those most commonly referenced - he even spoke kindly of Republican icon Ronald Reagan.

Now, with an election victory the size of which has been unseen in presidential election in decades, this young President-elect has the expectations of that lineage to fulfill.

“There will be setbacks and false starts,” Obama cautioned in his victory speech early Wednesday morning. “There are many who won’t agree with every decision or policy I make as President, and we know that government can’t solve every problem. But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree. And above all, I will ask you join in the work of remaking this nation the only way it’s been done in America for two-hundred and twenty-one years - block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand.”

Obama will have time. Americans traditionally afford their new presidents a honeymoon period. Considering the massive problems his new administration will face, it can’t possibly be enough. And after all the confetti is swept away, Americans will not let the promises Obama made fade. They elected him to fulfill those promises, and they are many and big. But he has a mandate to try."

And I personally count myself among the ranks of Americans who are willing to try something different and get behind a President that embodies passion and determination. I'm excited to support the man who has given a warm and inviting face to the fact that we can overcome boundaries to becomes anything we desire if we really want it badly enough---and that we can have unity even through diversity!

"If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer."

"A new dawn of American leadership is at hand!" (Obama)

I no doubt wept as Obama spoke eloquently (as always) and I began to think of all of the historical figures that paved the way for his success. From Abraham Lincoln to Rosa Parks, and Medgar Evers to Dr. King, Lyndon B Johnson, John F Kennedy and especially Barack Obama's precious grandmother who passed one day short of his victory. In the words of my friend Van "I'd like to think that somehow she knew that he could pull this off, and that she didn't have to hold on any longer than she could." Lord knows there was celebrating and mass jubilation in Heaven on Tuesday night!

Finally I want to conclude with a quote from Cornel West (Princeton Professor) on Bill Maher last Friday night-- 10/31/08. This quote touched me so much that I had Ben rewind the DVR over and over to listen carefully and write it down word for word.

“It’s an exciting time….when you see this kind of desperation. It really is a last gasp of the conservative era where the economics of greed, the culture of indifference and the politics of fear have been brought together in such a way that it hides and conceals the plight of poor people and working people…..The real question is –Can we generate a commitment to fairness and justice in the face of greed—Can we generate compassion in the face of indifference and can we generate hope in the face of fear? That’s what Brother Barack is all about!”

On a lighter note: I don't idolize Obama by any means....I'm just celebrating the joy of a new day....a breath of fresh air was much needed in the stuffy and stale White House. Despite all of the nitty-gritty political jargon....I'm just happy to see a family in there---with a husband and wife that have real connection with each other and their children...and they seem to embody what the family structure should represent. It's nice to fincally see some love.

I LOVE Fall!

2008-11-07T20:22:00.012-05:00

Pumpkin Carving, Snow Before Halloween
and NOT Trick-or-Treating:

A few weekends back we had a pumpkin carving party with some friends... Below are some of the images but there isn't much to say about the event that hasn't been said before. We Eat, Drink, Socialize, Repeat. :) Not to discount our entertaining evening or anything--we no doubt had a good time as always...but the end result was that it was more for the kids than the adults---but we did drink some great wine...

Snow on 10/28/08

So...Cajes had a Halloween party at his preschool called a Noah's Ark Party and they could only be animals or Biblical figures. He wanted to be Jesus nailed to the cross but I explained that it probably wouldn't go over too well with his teachers and friends at school...so he opted for an alligator. We looked high and low for an alligator costume and I ended up having to alter an dinosaur suit to be alligator-ish. Anyway....he took the costume to school and then would NOT wear it during the party or any other part of the day. He went the entire day with his classmates in costumes as his hung on the door all by itself. Then that evening we were supposed to go Trick-or-Treating in BeBe and Bob-Bob's neighborhood--the Rose Garden. Cajes had been excited all month because he was going to be a race car driver (not Kasey Kahne though because they don't make Budweiser costumes for 4 year olds) and he couldn't wait to wear his outfit!!! ---but before we ever made it to the first house Cajes had a total meltdown. He never even got 1 piece of candy. It turns out he was getting sick with a cold and got up the Saturday morning with a fever and shivered all weekend. So much for Halloween 2008 and 4 year old Trick-or-Treating memories. The only thing we have to show for it is when he tried his alligator costume on Thursday night....and his crying episode when we left to go Trick-or-Treating. ~~Oh well.... maybe next year.

Preschool

2008-10-11T23:10:00.004-04:00

Cajes started real preschool this week... No more of the 1/2 days, a couple of days a week or month.... Nope! This is the real dealio. Already working on his vowels and the consonants b, l, and t.... Sound like something I love.

"See my name!"

"Scissors, I really like scissors!"

Well, he loves it! Especially having his name on the table where he sits. A tangible way to identify his commitment to this big endeavor for a four year old who is very comfortable as well as used to Mamaw's House of Love.... Now he's thrown in to coloring with specific crayons, singing vowel songs, having chapel on Tuesday, Show-n-Tell day on Wednesday and practicing writing and identifying letters, learning to read and write numbers, as well as practicing phonics and story retention. We think he loves it. The first day I went to pick him up he threw his hand to his hip and announced "what are you doing here so early?"....but it was time to go. So that's a good sign I guess. Anyway---we'll keep ya posted on what he learns.....

Concentrating on building a Silo (what else?)...

The Tip of a Mountain

2008-09-26T21:19:00.018-04:00

"The marvelous richness of human experience would lose something of rewarding joy if there were no limitations to overcome.
The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valley to traverse."

Helen Keller

Most of you have watched the Price is Right and hopefully remember the game where the little hill climber goes steadily up the mountain as some giddy yodeling music plays in the background...well--if I could pinpoint the feeling of our climb to the place we have arrived at today that is similar to what I envision. However, on the Price is Right when the little mountain climber reaches the top of the hill he helplessly topples over the tip of the mountain, yet I feel like we are standing on the top of Mt. Everest waving a big red flag that says "WE FINALLY MADE IT"!!!

Ben got sworn in as an official attorney in the historic Buncombe County Superior Courtroom this afternoon--a monumental moment for us all. When asked why he wanted to pursue this career path he said "it is a job that I can enjoy and that has some redeeming societal value knowing that I can help people". Being a service provider myself I find this special as well as comforting knowing we have this similar, yet different, view of taking care of others.

After 3 years of law school, living hundreds of miles away, preparing for the bar and then the grueling month of waiting for the results, a cut and infected leg, and a rigorous move home we are finally at the end of the cycle of frustration and are relishing in the victory of RELIEF! I say "we" like I got sworn in too...but truly, I feel as happy as if it were happening directly to us as a family as much as it was to Ben personally, and it was. We did this together and it's so nice knowing that we can check this very big goal off of the "to-do" list of our life.

Thank you to our parents, family, friends and my co-workers (who are among my very closest friends) who encouraged us and loved us even when we were grouchy, tired and unlovable --because we recognize that it was through your support that we are where we are today!

Cajes swearing to ALWAYS "tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth."
(I may have to keep this picture on the refrigerator as a reminder of his oath, especially when he is a teenager.)

~Cajes on the witness stand~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."
Martin Luther King Jr.

Celebrating 4 Years of Cajes!!

2008-09-14T22:47:00.013-04:00

"Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous.

It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body."

Elizabeth Stone

Don-Don came up in the middle of the night to set up his birthday swing set and then drove home before Hurricane Hannah....

Cajes turned 4 last Monday and we are so proud of the little man he is turning out to be. He loves his new swing set, playing outside, going to pre-school, helping me and his daddy with anything we may be doing and playing with toys. He still loves Kasey Kahne, Indians, Pirates, being an Artist, Diego, Thomas the train, any fire and rescue vehicles, as well as any construction equipment, and especially Jesus and angels…

We had a little party on Saturday the 6th to celebrate with some of our friends and family—please forgive me for not mentioning everyone by name— then Sunday we went downtown to the Lexington Avenue Arts and Fun Festival with Aunt Kim who came in to town especially for the party. On Monday Mamaw wanted to take Cajes to the fair for his actual birth day and that was a lot of fun, minus the freak show component located conveniently in the kiddie area nonetheless. Cajes enjoyed the few rides he rode, especially pretending he was a race car driver and mostly just playing the silly rigged games that the fair gouges families with. We did take home a plastic sword and a stuffed bear and that made it all worth the while for Cajes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In light of Cajes turning 4, I felt compelled to share the story of Cajes’s birth, as it was the most pivotal and important moment in all of my life—also one of the most memorable and amusing in hindsight. For those of you who know this story don’t feel obliged to re-live it through the narrative below…but for those of you who haven’t heard this story or who have forgotten it, feel free to read and laugh…as it is hard not to.

This excerpt was taken out of the front of Cajes’s baby book:

"Your birth was a surreal experience that began at 6PM on Monday the 6th (of September 2004 for those of you not familiar with this story)… Labor Day nonetheless…When we went in to Labor and Delivery they wanted to “ripen” my cervix overnight with medicine called Cervadil. At 6AM on the morning of the 7th a nurse resembling Attila the Hun comes barreling in to our room where your dad and I were sleeping comfortably and announced that if I had any intention of getting an Epidural that day that I needed to go ahead and get the line put in now because there were back to back C-Sections lined up for the day— and I had to decide right then, without wiping the sleep from my eyes, whether I wanted one or not. Erring on the side of caution I agreed to go ahead and get it because I had been a labor coach twice before and I was not disillusioned enough to think I could possibly push something the size of a football (or maybe larger) out of me without medication. By 7AM I had been visited by the anesthesiologist and was prepped and ready with the Epidural line hanging out of my back.

By this time Hurricane Frances was starting to flood Asheville, as water was rising in Biltmore Village at a rapid pace and the nurses were all buzzing around discussing the effects of the storm and comparing notes on who had it the worst at their house—whose road was washed out, whose barn was flooded and how many other nurses weren’t showing up for their shifts. Meanwhile I am hooked up to a Pitocin drip and labor progressed. By 2PM I had only dilated to 3 cm. Dr. Travis thought we could and should speed things up by breaking my water. Keep in mind I had not received any medication at this point, only gotten the line inserted….I should have thought about that before allowing my water to be broken because for those of you uninformed about obstetrics it requires the doctor to insert their hand and a hook into places that strangers aren’t welcomed gladly. Once that agonizing procedure was complete real labor became very painful. Contractions were coming rapidly—one on top of the next and I finally decided I wanted the drugs…tap my line. The rest of the day was spent….well, laboring.

When midnight arrived and I hadn’t dilated beyond 4 cm. Dr. Travis highly encouraged us to get a C-Section as the window of opportunity for Cajes to arrive on his own was slowly dwindling and his heart rate was going up and down. For hours the one sweet nurse who wasn’t immersed in the frenzy of the Hurricane kept coming in a flipping me from side to side to keep his heart rate in a normal range—God love her.

At 12:05 AM I was wheeled into the operating room shaking like a leaf from major fear combined with lots of medicine…at 12:26 AM on the 8th of September Cajes was born. All I remember of that moment was laying on the operating table, arms spread out like Jesus on the cross, and feeling certain this was the closest I had come to death in my life. However, in the background of my comatose state I could hear the nurses and anesthesiologists prepping me, talking about what was going on with the flood, who was coming to assist from what department all the while Paula Abdhul’s “Do, do you love me--tell me baby?” played on a radio. Then I heard Boys II Men…”So we’ve come to the end of the road…” and began to get more concerned that maybe I already was dead. At that point I was slipping in and out of consciousness until Ben arrived and the surgery began. Within minutes I heard Dr. Travis saying “He’s solid” and I mumbled trying to ask if they were sure he was a boy and if he had hair. Then he was passed to Ben who immediately began to console him as they stitched me up.

Lots of people were there to greet Cajes into the world—all of whom had waited since early morning and it was now the middle of Wednesday night…my parents, Ben’s parents, Mamaw, Aunt Carol, Uncle Ted and Heather. Cajes was like a king being born—the first grandchild on both sides of the family and the first boy on my mom’s side of the family in 53 years—hence me asking if they were positive he was a boy. Ben and I were overcome with love and were awestruck from the moment we saw him.

Because I was Strep B positive and he had a slight temperature (less than 2 degrees) the Pediatrician felt like he should go on antibiotics until meningitis could be absolutely ruled out. I was so still delirious they could have told me they sold him to the circus and I wouldn’t have put up a fuss…because when I say they gave me drugs I mean major drugs like morphine combined with other mind numbing medicines. Thank God Ben had the wherewithal to follow the Doctors and Cajes up to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit and make sure he got settled in comfortably. I was in a recovery room as they prepped a room in the Mother/Baby unit for us. I didn’t realize they intended on keeping Cajes in the NICU for 4 more days…but later found out it was precautionary.

As Cajes was getting settled in the NICU they attempted to get us settled in Mother/Baby. Just as soon as all of our family left to go home and sleep in their nice cozy beds the power in the hospital went out because of Hurricane Frances. Now I’m sure you are thinking—they must have back up power, and yes they do…but it runs only a minimal amount of electricity. This does not include the air conditioning!! After the major surgery of a C-section I was forced to lie in my own sweat and filth feeling like spiders were weaving a web in my hair as bugs were coming out of my skin from the Morphine leaving my body. Ben was so exhausted that he started snoring obnoxiously on the little couch in our room. At this point I was miserable and began throwing things at him to startle him in an attempt to stop the snoring long enough for me to go to sleep—to no avail. Finally I called the nurse and she got me some sleep medicine and a sip, and I mean SIP of water to take the pill. I begged for ice chips or anything to help cool me off—but they were already under alert that the hospital would likely lose water as a major pipe had busted somewhere up the road. So, I lay there frustrated until I got so mad I literally got up and hobbled down to the nurse’s station. They stood in shock, looking at me like a deer in headlights, as I had only been stitched up 2 hours ago and I was bent over like I suffered from acute Osteoporosis. Thank God I knew one of the nurse practitioners and she helped me back to my room with a BIG cup of ice this time…and the rest of the night I relished each piece of that ice as I knew it would be my last for several days.

Biltmore Village on Sept. 9th

Morning came and we were able to visit Cajes as much as we wanted but I was forced to lug around an IV and a bag of my own urine until they took the catheter out later that day. As we got upstairs the first time that morning we saw that the water had risen to the windows of Wendy’s and McDonald’s in Biltmore…by lunch it was to the roof. The whole hospital was stirring with panic as they had just gotten the air back on when they lost water and had no way to flush toilets, make meals, wash linens, etc…and this wasn’t just for that day…this was the case for the rest of our stay with Mission/St. Joseph’s. Whenever we needed to go to the bathroom Ben had to go out and retrieve a 5 gallon bucket of water from a community trash can full of water located in the middle of each hallway, come back and dump it into the toilet. For the rest of our visit we were allotted 1 gallon of water per day to use in our room as needed, (i.e. brushing our teeth, sponge bathing, etc). On top of that we were only served boxed meals that required no preparation or clean up. After being without food since Monday night’s induction, by Thursday I was pretty hungry. My mom and Aunt Carol were gracious enough to bring me homemade chicken and dumplings and to tote jugged water up to my room to wash my hair over the sink because not only had I not eaten a hot meal, I also had not been able to shower or bathe due to the water outage. Now for some people this might be okay…but I take a shower daily and even if I didn’t after being in the hospital since Monday, going through labor and delivery of a 9lb and 5oz bundle of love then sweating out the drugs like I was in Celebrity Rehab, rest assured I needed one. But no. No shower for me until I actually got released on Saturday with baby in tow and returned to our home in Weaverville where my new challenge became climbing 15 stairs to get to our bedroom and bathroom. "

All in all I can laugh about this now— but believe me, when we got the hospital bill I felt like they should take a little bit off our tab for the lack of water, air, hot meals, and nurses who couldn’t focus on their jobs. After all, we could have bought a new car for the price of Cajes… But we surely wouldn’t trade him for the world, or a new Honda!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Four years later Cajes continues to be a source of pure joy and happiness and has been the most incredible thing that’s happened in our lives! Just the other night after we tucked him in to bed he said “Mom-mom, come here.” And I said “Yes honey?” Then he said “I like you…” and I leaned in to him saying “not as much as I love you” as I kissed his forehead. He then said “why do you kiss me so softly?” and I replied “because I love you.” Then he said “I like your soft kisses,” smiled his contagious smile, turned over and went to sleep. And as I shut the door to his room I was brought to tears as I thought of how special those memories will be when he is a teenager, a young man and then a father himself one day. And I thanked God for his sweetness when I went to bed that night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Birthdays Gone By

~Cajes turns 1~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~Cajes turns 2~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~Cajes turns 3~

"Congratulations Mr. Pitts"

2008-09-02T23:29:00.008-04:00

Well.....the letter we have eagerly awaited has finally arrived.
Weeks of anticipation have ended in a huge sigh of relief and jumping-- joyful jubilation!!! Every mile, every tear, every late night,
every early morning, every borrowed dollar and every missed event has been made up for when we got this letter in the mail today!!
Ben was so kind to say it should have been addressed "Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Pitts" since we both struggled through this process and since we lean on each other in every moment of our lives. But the big accolades go to Ben!! We all feel so very proud of him! My love swells up for him and his accomplishments!

Inuksuk, Cairns or Zen Rock Piles

2008-09-02T20:12:00.015-04:00

"Rocks pray too," said Grandad. "Pebbles and boulders
and old weathered hills. They are still and silent, and
those are two important ways to pray."
- Douglas Wood, Grandad's Prayers of the Earth.

If you look closely above~ there are 17 rocks stacked on the one big stone in the river...

Before Cajes was born Ben and I used to take Sunday drives (like the old married couple we are slowly morphing in to)...with one of our most favorite places to travel to for a day trip being Chimney Rock. Now... I'm not talking about the rock itself, where people come from miles around to hike and see pristine views--I'm talking about the river below the rock and a hole in the wall hot dog stand that we loved very dearly. When I say hole in the wall I speak honestly. This place was a dump....but they had these hot dogs baked inside of homemade yeast rolls for two bucks! And we loved them!!

Even after Cajes was born we would frequent our old hot dog stand periodically throughout the year before we moved to Burlington. Then somehow over the past three years our hot dog shangri la was demolished and a new log cabin retail building was erected in it's place!! UGH!! We were sad, pissed, and disheartened. I tried to re-create them for dinner tonight and it's just absolutely NOT the same. Nevertheless our favorite spot in the river was still there, Thank God.

~My Second Mother's Day with Cajes ~ 2006~

~Cajes and His Daddy ~ 2006~

~6 Months Old ~ 2005~

This is a special little spot for us that we have been going back to over and over for years. I even chose to spend my first Mother's Day at the river eating hot dogs. So we chose to spend this Labor Day revisiting our old stomping ground. And what we found in the river were several man-made Zen-like stacks of rocks. I know you are thinking--SO????....but when you look at them sitting quietly and motionless with this rapid flow of water flushing around them there is something quite magical about their presence. Something quite Zen.

I've always been fascinated by stacks of rocks like this--one more of those "little things" that I don't take for granted. I appreciate the patience and balance it took to get the rocks in the precise position to stay poised and steady despite the elements surrounding them. It's an artform of sorts. I was so mesmerized by them!! All the way home I thought about the rock piles... and I actually did some investigating only to find that these stacks of rocks actually have meaning behind them.

Some people call them Inuksuk. An inuksuk is a man-made stone landmark or cairn, used by the Inuit, Inupiat, Kalaallit, Yupik, and other peoples of the Arctic region of North America, from Alaska to Greenland. It is believed that the inuksuk may have been used for navigation, as a point of reference, a marker for hunting grounds, or as a food cache. The Inupiat in northern Alaska used inuksuit to assist in the herding of caribou into contained areas for slaughter--though this was explained thoroughly so I don't know the dynamics of how this would work. However, I learned that Inuksuit vary in shape and size, with deep roots in the Inuit culture.

Officials in various wilderness parks across Canada are forced to routinely dismantle inuksuit constructed by hikers and campers, for fear that they could misdirect park visitors from the actual cairns and other markers that mark various hiking trails. The practice of erecting inuksuit in parks has become so widespread that Killarney Provincial Park, on the north shore of Ontario's Georgian Bay, issued a notice in 2007 urging visitors to “stop the invasion” of inuksuit. Interesting!

We had a short but sweet trip and Cajes of course cried his eyes out when it was time to leave...

Below are some random photos taken around the house and by the river....Nothing of importance that I feel compelled to blog about--but thought they were interesting enough to share...

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature. As long as this exists, and it certainly always will, I know that then there will always be comfort for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances may be. And I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles.
- Anne Frank

There's No Place Like HOME!

2008-08-24T18:13:00.023-04:00

"The home is the bottom line of life, the anvil upon which attitudes and convictions are hammered out. [It is]... the single most influential force in our earthly existence. No price tag can adequately reflect its value. No gauge can measure its ultimate influence ... for good or ill. It is at home, among family members that we come to terms with circumstances. It is here life makes up its mind."
-- C. Swindoll

Beautiful Mountains!

Our New Home!

I know it's been a while since I've posted a blog...We have truly had a lot going on. Ben took the bar exam and we are still awaiting his results. The anticipation is nerve-racking. 2 days after he finished testing we moved back home from Burlington to Weaverville. We found a perfect house for us, nestled on close to 3 acres of land. Plenty of room for all of us and the junk we have accumulated over the years (which is all mine according to Ben). Anyway, Ted flew in from Miami and helped us, along with Ben's dad-- and it was all we could do to fit everything on a 26 foot truck. What didn't fit was given away to people on our street or sent to Goodwill and the landfill. I tried to give away as much as possible but when we were down to the last load of "stuff"...I finally caved and said "just throw it away!" I felt like was losing my mind by that point. Mostly because one week before the final transition home I was hanging a picture over our (unmounted) mantle and the bowed up piece of wood started to rock back and forth... as I grabbed the mantle before letting it fall-- all of the glass, porcelain and ceramic items placed there (out of the reach of Cajes) all came tumbling down and I ended up in the ER getting stitches-- which ended up getting infected --but anyway! Moving is such an overwhelming task!! I've told several people I'd rather sell a limb or an organ to pay someone to move us next time, than to have to do this again. It has taken us weeks to get settled in and we still have boxes unpacked in the basement that will just have to wait for a rainy day. But being back home is so rewarding that it has made up for the multiple misfortunes we ran into before we moved in. Now we have a horseshoe hung over our door in hopes of good luck and and angel outside in hopes of good blessings along the way.
Fortunately we are a very close family and we are able to find happiness wherever we are together...but being back in Asheville affords us so many more opportunities to be with our friends and family. It's a part of our life that was put on hold for three years and we are more than pleased to be back in the welcoming arms of people we love.

Last week was Ben's birthday and we celebrated with some folks--not only Ben's birthday--but the pure jubilation of being back in the mountains. It was such a joy for Ben and I, but the true gladness in my heart swells up when I see Cajes playing with his little friends... something he was mildly deprived of by being 200 miles away-- although he did travel with me and continue to attend pre-school.

Olive, Cajes and the turtle

Cajes and Olive painting

Cajes and Uncle Ted

It seemed like we were all waiting for the fireworks to begin or something....

Cajes, Sam & David, Olive & Lucy--right before Cajes leaned in to Jessie and said "this is the best picnic ever!"

The Francis Family

Lucy and Debbie

Liberty, Cajes, Olive and Ada

Kendall and Cajes picking a tune at our party--

"We are all longing to go home to some place we have never been - a place half-remembered and half-envisioned that we can only catch glimpses of from time to time. Community. Somewhere, there are people to whom we can speak with passion without having the words catch in our throats. Somewhere a circle of hands will open to receive us, eyes will light up as we enter, voices will celebrate with us whenever we come into our own power. Community means strength that joins our strength to do the work that needs to be done. Arms to hold us when we falter. A circle of healing. A circle of friends. Someplace where we can be free."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part of being back home is being able to go to the Farmer's Market on the island in Marshall on Sundays where EVERYTHING is either $1 or $2 a pound. We left today with fingerling potatoes, a Brandywine tomato, 2 green tomatoes, a loaf of homemade bread, a pound of green beans, squash, a pumpkin, and some chocolate chip cookies sold to raise money for the Obama "Hungry for Change" campaign.... It's always an interesting mix of folks down there....And in case you haven't been to Marshall in a while--it's been taken over by progressive artists and farming hippes. There's still a few country folk but for the most part Marshall has become a miniature and sub-compact downtown Asheville.

~For those interested Cajes was named after my Paw-Paw~

~~~~~~~~~~

Even better than the Farmer's Market is our close proximity to the Laurel River and it's trail. It is nice to spend only 10 minutes traveling to get to such natural beauty and it's practically in our backyard. It was a very short hike and a refreshing way to spend our Sunday afternoon.

P.S. (My mom--who keeps me in check-- brought it to my attention that I left out mentioning some integral people who helped us move once we got to this end of the travel. My awesome and wonderful parents came and basically decorated our whole house hanging every set of blinds and curtains and enjoyed our first dinner together in our new home. We had lots of friends and family that also showed up to help unload the truck which include but are not limited to my parents, Ben's parents, Ted, Heather & Keith, Monica & Beth, David & Sam, and my aunt Carol & cousin Chrystal who helped the week I cut my leg. And thanks to Beth who went out and cleaned tirelessly before we arrived to make sure it was ready when we got there! And to Monica who drove to Burlington the week before the move and packed her van as full as we could fit it, drove home and helped unload it and never cussed me once!)

"For those who love-- time is not"

2008-06-14T20:46:00.035-04:00

When I was a young girl I always imagined growing up and marrying the man of my dreams and having the fairy-tale life that most little girls envision—you know, with children and the white picket fence. I can say that I never imagined the life I live exactly, but somehow this life seems even better and more fulfilling than I dreamed to be quite honest.

I met Ben 12 years ago— at a time in my life when I was at a crux in the road…and I think Ben can say the same for himself. I was floundering around, like a fish out of water, not knowing for certain what I wanted to do with my life….maybe teach, maybe learn about alternative medicine, maybe just wait tables until I decided. I was at work one day when this guy I’d become good friends with, Roy, asked me if I wanted to ride with him to Tennessee to pick up his best friend who was on his way home from Texas…I, being the free-spirited and not-committed-to-much kind of girl I was, said “Sure”…and I will never forget the next sentence he uttered—“His name is Ben…but you probably won’t like him very much because he is a real smart-ass”. –“Okay”, I thought, “I’m up for the challenge”.

Never in a million years did I imagine the story would end up the way it has unfolded. I did meet Ben. He was in fact a smart-ass. And still can be at times—even more so with certain people than others. But he has tamed it down a considerable amount over the years. And even taking into account all of his sharp-tongued moments he has brought more joy, security and love to my life than I ever dreamed of. We are total opposites in a lot of ways, in fact most ways. Many people were surprised we were dating—we were so different—but I believe those differences have truly kept us interested in each other.

We married after dating for five years. It was a union we didn’t go into lightly, half-heartedly or without strong conviction –that this was the most permanent decision we would ever make. We spent plenty of time making sure we were right for each other. We worked together successfully for six years in two different jobs, which is a challenge for most couples— especially in the restaurant business where it’s easy to get caught up in the rumor mill. We also extensively traveled around the North and Southeast experiencing life in pretty raw moments as we slept in cars, trucks, tents and on occasion the luxury of a hotel, attending more concerts than Cajes will be able to believe when he is older. I sold hippy skirts and we ate lots of grilled cheese sandwiches as we created some of the most vivid and colorful memories of our past. Our first week together we rode 13 hours, one-way, in the back of Rhonda’s Ford truck to see Phish at the New Orleans Jazzfest and it was during that trip that we confessed we were in it for the long haul after months of solid friendship. Within a month I told my mom I knew Ben would be the guy I married.

After several years of free-spirited haphazardness, we both finally decided it was time to move forward with our passions in life—mine being mental healthcare and art, Ben’s being democracy and justice. We mapped out our plan of how to make our dreams come true, working multiple jobs to make a living while making our life. We finished our undergraduate degrees with the plan of Ben starting Law School in the fall of 2004 when that January we were thrown a curveball. Without planning or trying we were shocked, yet overall pleasantly surprised (after the shock wore off), that we were going to have a baby in September. And that was the beginning of what has so far been the best and most rewarding years of our lives.

Cajes was born September 8^th of 2004 during Hurricane Frances, another story altogether. He came in to this world through a blurred haze of morphine and overwhelming love, and our lives have truly never been the same. From that moment in the middle of the storm filled night, when I saw Ben’s face overcome with the most special look of complete devotion and submission, I knew that all the dreams I had conjured up about the life I wanted forever were pale in comparison to what I actually had. I really thought after marriage I knew what real love was. If you had asked me I would have argued that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt. But there was no preparation in parenting and childbirth classes that could have primed me for the surreal emotions of when we became a family of three. My affection for Ben grew ten-fold in a matter of moments after Cajes was born, and has only matured as we have turned the pages of the past three years.

Tomorrow is Father’s Day and Monday June 16^th is our 7 year anniversary and I still can’t believe this is my life sometimes. No, it isn’t always easy—we have our share of arguments and disagreements…but it’s always relatively predictable and always better than I deserve. I consider Ben the best friend I have ever had (not discounting any of my girlfriends, really). In my deepest, darkest hour he has picked me up and reminded me that we have what it takes to have a great life. We have what some people long for and I never take that for granted. When I look back at where we came from to where we are now I am literally moved to tears.

I can say that, yes, I know what love is now for sure…beyond our love, I see it every day when I watch Ben interact with Cajes, teaching him new things and watching Cajes teach Ben what it is to be young again. I see it as he goes into his room each night before we go to sleep to tuck him in one last time. And as he carves out enough time to play outside for a little while each day with Cajes, even with the rigorous schedule he has this summer and the hundred degree heat. I saw it as he moved closer to Cajes at the dentist office today and reached out to hold his little hand during what some might consider a scary moment. Watching the man you love, love the child you created together is somewhat magical.

I packed our first box to move home to Asheville a little less than an hour before I began this blog post. I can’t believe we are now weeks away from leaving this city we have called our “home-away-from-our-real-home” to return to where we left a piece of our hearts three years ago… As long as the hours have seemed some days, and as many trips as I have traveled back and forth, I still find it amazing that the moments have went as quickly as they have. Because despite the fact that we are looking back on 36 months of our lives, bundled comfortably in to the past 12 years, we really got here –to this day—moment by moment, mile by mile, laugh by laugh, and tear by tear. It hasn’t always been easy…but it’s always been worth it.

As I close this blog I am reminded of a poem read at our wedding that I have always found comfort in. These words seem to encapsulate the simple emotions I have stirring within me during this transitional time in our life.

Time is:
Too Slow for those who Wait,
Too Swift for those who Fear,
Too Long for those who Grieve,
Too Short for those who Rejoice;
But for those who Love,
Time is not.

Below is a note Cajes wrote his daddy for Father's Day---
Underlined are the words I prompted him with and to the side are his own words dictated to me....
Note to Readers:
Candy Bars = Granola Bars (he doesn't know the difference yet).
I am the one who writes with chalk on the sidewalk with Cajes.
Cajes did hit Ben in the head yesterday with a plastic recorder that he called his horn--it wasn't pretty--it's in the trash now.

"Kasey Kahne--Kasey Kahne!!"

2008-06-02T21:25:00.009-04:00

As a child born in the south I grew up watching, and listening to NASCAR, on Sundays--it was just the way we lived. (Part of the excitement of the sport was hearing the highly energetic commentators describing the race for those listening over the radio, those not actually watching the race live--hollering about who was neck-in-neck in turn two and who just bump-drafted the racer in front, etc). My best friend in middle/high school was the daughter of a race car driver and my own mom even carried around a black and white photo of Richard Petty (AKA "The King") signing her arm at the Asheville Speedway--and she may very well still have it in her wallet today. Anyway...as I grew older I sort of became annoyed with NASCAR --feeling the sport was rather gluttonous, wasting gas and tires and money, and only contributing to the pollution and consumerism that has bathed our country. I certainly NEVER expected to be watching racing in my very own home as an adult on Sunday afternoon, but as the saying goes I guess, history often repeats itself.

It all started very innocently. When I met Ben I knew he was a sports fanatic, yet he laughed about people being NASCAR fans and teased one of his brothers for supporting the billion dollar industry. So obviously I didn't worry about the noisiness creeping in to my home because we were too progressive for that. Then after about 5 or 6 years in to our relationship Ben would casually watch a race with friends on Sunday...no big deal--guys like to fit in too. I can remember the day Dale Earnhardt Sr. passed away in Daytona-- everyone sat glued to the TV as we watched a legend leave this world and fans worldwide began to mourn, putting "We Remember #3" stickers and decals on their cars...and that's about as sentimental as one can be about racing. Then low and behold, I should have known, along with Fantasy Football came a Fantasy Racing League-- Seriously! And this, my friends, culminated in to vicious points tallying and feverish phone calls between the guys every Sunday--when big (or little) wrecks would occur, when someone would blow an engine, or one driver shot another driver a bird. It was all a big deal--at that moment. So why, WHY(?!) did I find it surprising that last year when Cajes was only two years old he started showing an interest in NASCAR, like ANYTHING else his daddy might love?

At first Cajes liked whoever his daddy liked and it was still seemingly sweet--to watch the camaraderie between the two of them hooting and hollering over who was passing who or who wrecked. But just as seasons change so too do the phases of toddlerhood to childhood. As the NASCAR season came to a close in November Cajes had turned three and had developed his own articulate vocabulary, and he was very opinionated about who he liked and disliked in many sports (wonder where he got that?). Nevertheless, as the 2008 racing season opened in February Cajes was a total Kasey Kahne fan! It really started out with the way the sound of his name rolled off of his tongue. Cajes simply liked saying his name. "Kasey Kahne-- Kasey Kanne" he would chant!! And now it has developed in to a full-blown obsession with Kasey Kahne. My son(!!)--MY son loves racing! It makes me feel like a hypocrite in some ways. As a server years ago, at a Sagebrush Steakhouse I remember having mama's ask me to "fill their baby bottles with sweet tea" and I thought those would be the children watching racing on Sunday. But no. It's my son who throws himself on the floor in tears when Kasey Kahne gets bumped in the race and my son who screams loudly, waving his hands wildly in the air as if he were his only fan.

All this being said --I still have mixed emotions about the sport-( it took me years to even consider it a real sport). But it is inevitable that racing is here to stay. Racing has been around since prohibition days and I don't see it going anywhere but everywhere. I've recently learned that NASCAR has grown to become the second-most popular professional sport in terms of television ratings inside the U.S., ranking only behind the NFL. So I guess I better get used to it. To be quite honest, the older I get the more I enjoy the reminiscence of my childhood years and NASCAR is bundled in to those memories that make me cherish the simplicity of my youth. There's something nostalgic about it. So, if Cajes loves NASCAR then so be it. I just hope he doesn't fall in to the consumer-driven trap that snares many a NASCAR fan-- especially since Kasey Kahne does drive the Budweiser car.

PAUSE THE MUSIC FOR THIS!

The happiness of NASCAR...(above)
And then the sadness it can bring--all too quickly...(below)

Ordinary Moments

2008-05-31T23:46:00.012-04:00

I am an artist at heart and have a deep affinity for taking photographs. I don't know if this comes from some distorted childhood thought that if I took a picture of "whatever" then it couldn't be taken away from me. I didn't have early sibling rivalry that kept me wondering if someone might take something of mine. I always remember having a camera. I guess along about high school and during my college years --as well as the big gap in between--I really fell hard in to documenting events and chapters of my life. From family events to Phish shows...anything. I was even snapping pictures waaaaaay before I could afford a digital camera, and was still paying for 36 pictures to be developed when I may only like one or two of them. So, I have to say the digital camera has been one of the most revolutionary inventions since sliced bread and it is by far my prized possession, for sure. Beyond significant events I enjoy taking pictures of just haphazard and ordinary moments. This week we were at the lake with my parents and I was able to get some great shots. Some of family and some of just randomness. (We do have a whole album of my niece Mila's 3rd Birthday Party at the zoo posted on MySpace and Facebook and they will hopefully make it on here eventually--for now here are my favorites minus the zoo pics.)

Cajes says: "here mom-mom, I got you some 'oaks'."

Cajes drinks from the Gator pool.

Ben and Cajes go 'round & 'round

Mila and the not-so "Itsy-Bitsy Spider"

~The Family Unit~

Some of my favorite shots are below:

Bird on a Wire

Signs of Summer

Shannon and the Dandelion

Make a Wish

Shannon & Mila

Don-Don's Garden

NOT so LITTLE things...

2008-05-31T20:13:00.013-04:00

So, the title of my blog is the little things but lately we have had some pretty monumental happenings in our life and the lives of our friends and family.

Ben graduated from Law School on May 3!!! Yippee! Everyone was so proud of him...I can speak especially for Cajes and myself, who have lived with him for the past 3 years as he endured the ups and downs of Graduate School. There were times when we were up all night with a sick baby and Ben still had to go to school....and times when I was sick and going through multiple surgeries, yet he rarely missed a day and still managed to care for me and be my personal nurse. He made great grades while his friends scoffed at him for doing Crosswords in some classes. Along the way we had lots of support from our family and friends and my job at Open Hearts. We wouldn't be here (and almost back there) without the support and dedication they had for our personal life and many of the choices we were forced to make. It has been a situation that Ben liked to call "delayed-gratification". We knew one day we would be able to celebrate the accolades of this moment. But for the most part we took it one day at a time.

A proud moment

"Here Daddy, you can have this funny hat back."

Little Scholar

We had a lot of guests in town for graduation--including my parents, Ben's parents, Ben's Aunt Lynn & Uncle Roy from Morganton, and a special treat was Jack, Sally & Connor who came all the way form Miami to be here. A short trip for everyone but a special memory for us all. It makes us realize how unfortunate it is to live so far apart from Jack & Sally when we saw how big Connor was getting. What a cutie-pie he is though... (& we're sorry to Jack and Sally about the door--ha!) A special shout-out goes to Ted who we dearly missed that weekend. :(

BIG UP'S TO HEATHER!!

In addition to Ben finishing Graduate School--so did my friend Heather--who is like a sister to me!! This is a triumphant accomplishment, way more awesome than I can begin to explain, as Heather went through more than any one person deserves to go through in a lifetime--all in one semester! She completed her Master's Degree from Western Carolina on May 10 and is going to teach in a Special Ed classroom hopefully this fall. For those of you who know Heather-- you will be especially tickled to see how cute and awesome and bright Elijah is in the pictures below. I'm not being partial either. He really is a very, very charismatic little boy and such a truly joyful child to be around. He warms everyones heart.

Some of my favorites of Elijah:

After Graduation

At 2 months

At 5 months

Where do I begin? I choose today!

2008-05-31T19:41:00.003-04:00

Those of you who know me know that I can be a little over-anxious about silly things--little things. Take this blog for example. I have been working on it since Christmas but never could decide where to start--and that has caused a 5 month road-block in my head. I mean, where do you begin when you are smack dab in the middle of your life? I've been with Ben for 12 years, and married for 7 years next month. We have Cajes who is 3 now, so it's not like starting a blog when a baby is born. Much like my friend Jessie, I am the archiver for our family and I found great inspiration in her blog. If there is an event going on and I am there--you can bet money I WILL have my camera there. I have documented so much for so long that there is not a rubbermaid tub big enough to contain my memories anymore. Our walls, fridge, boxes and my journal are completely full. So I guess moving into the cyber-world was inevitable! I too (like Jess), fear the house burning down or some sort of natural disaster, and not being able to grab everything I want to hang on to. So maybe this will be a way of permanently storing some of our most cherished moments, and some of our smallest memories. Those seem to be the ones I relish and find the most pleasure in. I have officially given up trying to find the perfect place-- or time-- or event-- to start this blog ~~so I choose today.~~

Throughout this blog I will attempt to catch the readers up on past moments and events in our life. This will no doubt take me a long time-- but I will attempt to share stories as they seem pertinent. Hopefully I can find the time to maintain this blog...geez--it took long enough to start.